I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
