bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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