grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
