I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
