why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
