You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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