i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
