they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have so much sex to catch up on
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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