You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
