I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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