It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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