just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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