My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
