It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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