Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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