I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
