thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
