we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
