WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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