These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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