i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
