if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
