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NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
