I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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