I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
