ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
