He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
