It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
