Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
