I heard we made out
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
