I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
