I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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