Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
