SEEEEXXX PLEASE
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
