Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
