on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
