There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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