If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
