just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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