): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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