I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
