my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
