I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
