I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
