Screwed.edu
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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