I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
