I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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