I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
