***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
