I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
