Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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