Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
