I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
